Are you a racist? Click here to find out!

Racism is ugly, but so is Donald Sterling.

trust no bitch

Once again, we all have to pretend to care about someone saying something racist.

Was anyone discriminated against?

Hurt?

Ejected from a lunch counter?

Hit with a water cannon?

Fired from a job? (besides Donald word-that-rhymes-with-Duck?)

Nope.

But now that we’ve confirmed that the missing plane is never coming back, the news has to focus on something, ANYthing, to keep people’s attention.

Once again, it’s one big, fat, sweaty nothingburger.

But what really is the state of race relations in America?

Is it something I should be worried about?

Should I get a model-esque mixed-race girlfriend so I can say whatever I want with impunity?

Is the answer to that question anything but yes?

A friend and I had an important discussion about race relations in America more fruitful than anything the REVEREND(TM) Al Sharpton has ever done (and with less deaths!)

i miss fat, cowboy hat-bedecked, drug dealing Al Sharpton

She’s henceforth known as “Jane Doe” (yes, it was an excuse to say “henceforth”):

JANE DOE:

IMG_0094

Wtf, no cross fingers emoticon? Ridiculous.
One of the most important emoticons to go with a “good luck” type of text.

W: Maybe it means something horrible in Japan, like “Godzilla’s arrival is imminent” or something

JANE DOE: Haha. Racism is fuuuunnny. Especially when my dad tries to tell racist jokes. Painful.

W: I imagine your dad jumping on stage in an Al Jolson mask and after doing a jig saying “so what’s the deal with Puerto Ricans?”

JANE DOE: Worse- stumbling over the setup AND getting the punch line wrong. You gotta treat a racist joke like a race – get through it quick, straight to the laughs.

Esp if you’re right. Like running over hot coals

With confidence

W: I wish Tony Robbins taught that in his seminars. watching white people run over the remnants of a Boy Scout cookout screaming “because they STEAL!” would be *almost* worth the thousands of dollars in admission

JANE DOE: Bahaha

Omg this would make an excellent sketch

W: the only trouble is finding someone with teeth as big as tony robbins. our dental expenses may put us over budget considering that our only other costs would be a bag of charcoal, some lighter fluid, and some gullible white people (so paper and ink to print out “FREE FRAPPUCINO” coupons)

JANE DOE: And let’s just recycle a retired NBA player and paint him white
Aaaand the racism comes full circle

W: YES. I’ve been looking for an excuse to use this graphic for YEARS.

IMG_5900

JANE DOE: Hahaha!!

It’s funny because the pictures are more racist than my comment. Their features are all exactly like a white person’s. Or ET.

Wait maybe that’s the message they’re trying to get across

W: this teaches kids a horrible lesson. as a woman of science: would planet-sized children be able to survive without oxygen while causing individual genocides by stepping on major continents?

Picture artist makes one modification for race: Asian eyes

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Congratulations!  You’re all racists!

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