With all the news this week about Iraq falling into civil war due to Obama withdrawing troops, thousands of illegal alien children crowding our southern border due to Obama promising amnesty, and the IRS “accidentally” destroying hard drives of emails showing they targeted political opponents at the Obama administration’s behest, one story has gotten completely lost in the shuffle:
We have no plan developed to invade Canada.
What the hell is wrong with the Pentagon? Do they just want to leave us completely open to attack?
It’s not like Canada hasn’t attacked before. Has anyone heard of something called the War of 1812?
A brief history of Maple-American relations:
The United States found cause to invade Canada in 1775 and 1812, then developed War Plan Red in the 1920s and 30s, which contemplated a potential invasion of Canada. And as recently as 1999, a bloody, near-apocalyptic (fictional) war with Canada broke out.
That 1999 war was the one in South Park, which Roll Call includes to show they have a sense of humor. REAL FUNNY, GUYS.
PREACH, SHEILA
You know what’s not real funny?
Canadians invading our land, burning our cities, and fornicating with our women!
Now, not all of Canada is dangerous.
There’s a British part that’s completely docile. We’ve trained them well. They’re not gonna rock the boat.
But there’s an arrogant, poutine-eating, douche-dipped part of Canada called Quebec.
This little French (FRENCH!) enclave of Canada thinks it’s special. They want independence from the rest of Canada.
yay! mediocrity!
It’s because of these people that everything you buy has a French translation. It’s required to do business there.
It costs Canadian taxpayers approximately $2.4 BILLION (with a “ILL”) per year to translate everything to French for their lower-IQ residents.
There are 6.69 million French Canadians.
For that price, Canada could buy each of them an iPhone with Google Translate, for moosesakes.
As anyone who works in the hospitality, tourism, or service industry knows, French Canadians are among the most difficult customers possible.
And as someone who worked in that industry, I can confirm that.
When I worked at Segway, French Canadians required extra employees on the floor. One in particular who came with his girlfriend spoke perfect English, yet faked that he couldn’t so I would just give up and let him ride his Segway around the store before the demonstration.
He fell and cut himself, humiliating himself in front of his admittedly-hot girlfriend.
These people are unreasonable and can’t be stopped.
And the Pentagon, OUR Pentagon, a 5-sided building that is apparently sentient, has absolutely no “plan on the shelf for the invasion of Canada”, according to General Martin E. Dempsey (who should be immediately fired).
THANKS OBAMA.
traître!