My favorite pair of shoes are some Converse-style True Religion sneakers that I wear every single day. That having been said, I like to keep them clean often with a good-ol toss in the wash.
That wasn’t enough for someone sitting three feet down from me on the bench at Starbucks, who removed his headphones and loudly asked me to lower my foot that was facing in his general direction.
Of course I asked him why.
He said, “There’s two reasons, one of which you might not think of” in a tone that would put a biggest-for-his-britches professor to shame.
And continued, “ONE: Because your shoes have been in the gutter and on the ground and therefore could be not that pleasant. TWO: I’m going to educate you, in some cultures…”
Having had enough of this bullshit, I interjected, “look I understand that in Islamic cultures it can be considered disrespectful to have your shoe facing someone”.
His face lit up. “IT’S NOT JUST ISLAMIC! IT’S NOT JUST ISLAMIC! It’s Asian and Buddhist and and and it’s disrespectful. But THAT’S not the reason I asked you to…”
I continued, “Ok, then I have a question, do my shoes legitimately smell? I washed them just a few weeks ago and would honestly like to know if they do.”
He lit up again, “I’m not going to argue it! Do what you want! That question doesn’t deserve an intellectual response!”
I replied, “well, if that’s not an intellectual question, then neither is your request.”
Exasperatedly, he spat, “Yes! Of course! I know it isn’t!” and then, with a huff, put his headphones on and went back to work.
He soon slank away to a nearby table and then out the door soon after, but not before I snapped a pic of his hasty escape from my terrible, evil, shit-smelling shoes of doom.
pictured: slinking
