Wyatt.Today

More on this here.

I didn’t even need a Twitter poll to tell you that Saturday is the best day of the week, by far.

If you work a 9-5 job or go to school, Saturday is your personal break from someone telling you where to be, what to do, and when to be there. It’s freedom at its finest.

If you’re unemployed, funemployed, or underemployed (I believe in the government data this is called the Ubetterworkbitch number) Saturday is the day you can spend time with your otherwise-employed friends and family. A day of gathering and get togethers, of no scheduled obligations, long dinners and beach picnics and whatever we’re doing for #WhiteBoySummer.

The life hack (god, as much as I hate that term, breathing is a life hack) is to get to a point in your life where every day feels like a Saturday. You can work at your own pace, spend time with the people you love, do the things that stimulate your brain, play. It’s also a day where if you’re one of those go-getters, you can wake up at 5am and feel superior to everyone, and if you wake up at noon you’re not behind.

My life goal is to live every day with the easy breathing of a Saturday.

TIL that there was an entire Victoria Beckham launch planned in the US and part of that included a full, Simple Life-style reality series.

Apparently, it was so unwatchable difficult to get it picked up by NBC instead of Bravo where the network wanted it that they compiled all that was recorded for the series into a one hour “Victoria Beckham: Coming to America” special which aired to terrible, worse-than-reruns ratings on NBC.

However, as you can see from the clip above, we were denied sweet, sweet 2007 reality TV escapism which could’ve become 2021 meme nostalgia, as seen by Victoria struggling to take her driver’s test at the DMV.

Apparently the premise was “she’s in on the joke!” which by 2007 was already a stale reality TV trope but still makes for some adorable moments, like her hairstylist accompanying her for her license photo, when celebrities were still treated as space aliens from a distant galaxy interacting with normal people and not Chrissy Teigen taking a dump on Twitter to be relatable.

I’ve immersed myself in the above because it’s far more fascinating/soothing than the boring/evil dynamic of Spring 2021 politics, which is a combination of watching Joe Biden proclaim executive action between falls and Corporate America tightening its vice grip on America’s balls.

At least reality TV tried to mimic reality.

“The Dude-Babe Paradox”

No one’s had a truly satisfying answer for this for me yet.

Are they interchangeable? Does one have a shelf life?

It’s weird when women call their bfs “dude” but for guys it’s okay???

“Babe” seems really intimate and there will probably be a point where it’ll just slip out of your mouth, effortlessly, which means you’re really comfortable around them and then have to reel that back in for a bit.

“Dude” relies heavily on tone. It can be dismissive, endearing, pleading, pleased. It can also be the more public version of “babe” if need be. Saying “babe” in a group, that’s a big moment.

In public “Babe” is probably best whispered, with your hand at the small of his back.

Reserve “dude” for all other uses.

This is pretty much how I spent the entirety of 2013-2018.

NO RAGERTS

**NEW VIRAL TWEET ALERT**

Meanwhile, the Biden admin is fighting tooth and nail to confirm that woman who tweeted awful things at Bernie for years.
get u someone who fights for u as hard as the biden admin fights 4 neera tanden

Another week without a stimulus check, another week of bills for Americans out of work, another vanished promise.

It’s fascinating watching various members of “The Squad” elbow each other to be the most dramatic.

How exactly could you top AOC’s hysterics about Jan 6 (though she was a few buildings away)?

Can’t say he didn’t warn you that 2020 election should’ve been / was supposed to be a referendum on a deeply unpopular candidate (not incumbent) with an even more unpopular VP choice!

At least Kamala’s running the show.

Genuinely hope this is true and this craven woman finally hit a wall in her endless politicking.

Only in Washington could you talk shit on a former boss you never supported to begin with then try to patch it all up with an op-ed.

I will never stop talking about this, especially as the excuses about what they’re doing with their time that’s more importantI grow increasingly Kafkaesque – i.e., preventing a burial of someone in Arlington who is still living because he was twice impeached (not once, calm down Clinton).

I really hope Trump wins in 2024 on the “$2024 for every American” platform or some shit.

help i’ve gone viral

And that’s on periodt.

How is reassigning a WH Reporter that’s shtupping the Deputy Press Secretary to a different White House beat acceptable?

Basically, look askance at any Axios coverage of Kamala Harris.

Hard to tell if this is a footstomping “I’m just so mad right now can’t you tell?!” act to save some face after that farce or if she’s legit pissed.

The truth is I did get kicked out of Club Habanos twice, and then they got kicked out of the shopping center.

Like Trump – I’m undefeated!

What an embarrassment for Dems.

They could’ve censured him and passed the $2k checks while he was still in office and had a good shot at 2022, and they’ve tripped over their own dicks yet again to “Orange Man Bad!” a Florida retiree.

Worst, they got extremely unpopular and soon to be primaried/term-limited Republicans to go along with the show trial.
These Senators gave Trump everything he needed while in office (judges, votes, etc) and then pulled the plug after he was gone. The Left doesn’t win from their votes, and they have to answer to constituents in their state – Trump won Utah (Romney), Louisiana (Cassidy), Alaska (Murkowski), Nebraska (Sasse), North Carolina (Burr), got one electoral vote in Maine (Collins), and just barely (and allegedly) lost Pennsylvania (Toomey). What kind of electoral future do these people think they have?

As the kids say, it’s over for these hoes.

The mask is finally off with this craven woman.

Remember in 2016 when she criticized him, then he hired her?

Now it’s back to backstabbing!

Here’s the full press release if you’d like to read it.
“Under the agreement, Pfizer will manufacture and deliver up to 100 million doses of its SARS-CoV-2 vaccine, BNT162b2, to Government designated locations. Under the terms of the agreement, Pfizer will deliver at least 70 million doses by June 30, 2021, with the balance of the 100 million doses to be delivered no later than July 31, 2021.
The additional doses ordered today provide for a seamless transition from the first 100 million doses contracted earlier this year.”

So the Trump admin ordered 200 million doses from Pfizer. But wait, there’s more!

“Today’s agreement also includes options for an additional 400 Million doses of the Pfizer vaccine. As part of ongoing coordination, the government and Pfizer are also continuing to discuss potential approaches to further strengthen our partnership and safely expand output and accelerate production.”

All the Biden admin had to do was say “yes”.

Thanks Trump!

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE

It sinple really.

Judging by the fact that we’re now balls deep into Impeachment 2: Electric Boogaloo with no signs of stopping, not only are you not getting your $2000, you’re not getting your $1400 either.

It’s worth being upset with Republicans because it’s the only thing that gets them to act. Maybe the Wall Street Journal can write an op-ed like “The Conservative Case for $2000 Checks Right Now” to light a fire under their asses.

But it’s also worth being upset with the hard-left Dems who cry “DIRECT ECONOMIC RELIEF” that are too busy Zapruder-film-examining footage of people shoplifting from the Capitol Gift Shop (not the 2 for 1 “Nancy!” gavels!!!) to give a damn about Americans who’ve been purposefully put out of work for going on a year now.

It was never about $2000.

It was never about $1400.

It was never about $600.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GS3gjG1v19k

Some time ago I mentioned that my 2024 Presidential rankings started with something like this:

Tucker/Kanye
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Pence, I guess
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A piece of paper with a smiley face drawn on it
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Nikki Haley

Really hoping his return to radio doesn’t mean he’s running.

Republicans: the media is biased and against us!
Also Republicans: “let’s give them fodder to set the narrative uwu”

This week there was a committee vote on Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA, I think?) and Republicans gave the Democrats a week of press about her being some bizarre combo of evil and crazy for sharing a few Facebook memes.
HOW DARE SHE MAKE A CAMPAIGN AD?!

Why do they hate her so much? Could it be the face that The Notorious MTG, who ran a construction company and started a Crossfit gym, has a lot more in common with members of her district than other members of Congress?
Nancy Pelosi looks great here!

Meanwhile, Republicans missed the layups of all layups – the nascent Biden administration failing to provide direct economic relief ($2000 checks) – from dropping the amount down to $1400 to lowering the amount of people eligible.

Do Republicans just want to lose in 2022?

Yes, I’m coming for Tlaib, but she’s actually admitting they needed to move more quickly, unlike a lot of Congress.

They’re intent on playing an extremely dangerous game of holding up the stimulus while also playing funny numbers.

Remember “elect us and get your $2000”?
The whole point of promising money for votes is you actually have to pay out!

And that brings us to this “$2000 is actually $1400” shell game.
What do they expect people to do, hope that just goes away?

40% of Americans can’t afford a $400 emergency – $600 goes a long way!

It’s become increasingly obvious that Congress has zero interest in making any stimulus payment happen anytime soon, or it’d have already been done under the previous president.
The Christmas decorations show you how long ago this demand was made.

There’s a new Democratic President now, and a new Democratic Congress, and no checks.

So what’s the holdup?


Imagine if Marianne was President now

Alt history timeline: the US took the $13 billion and change spent to stop communism hehe rebuild Europe and instead invested it domestically, ironically overextending communism, allowing it to collapse, averting the Cold War, and not ending up with a future where Europe picks sides in American domestic affairs instead of boosting its own defense budgets.

What the hell do you think he’s going to get into without supervision?

I’d like to think he’s doing what the gays do after they suffer a setback: going blonde.

There’s going to be plenty and plenty of examples of journalistic malpractice over the next four years, but it’s always fun to bookmark it on Inauguration Day for future reference.

Of course it’s a Staff Writer for The Atlantic, which sounds like something you’d hear on a first date just before asking for the check.

I love that crotchety old Bernie is a meme now but let’s be honest with ourselves – he got completely, embarrassingly boxed out yet again.

Why would he even bother wearing a new jacket?

At the very least he isn’t a sore loser, unlike one who was pictured there today.
“Hamburglar Chic”

It easily could’ve been Bernie on that stage. Could you imagine someone advocating for universal income and free [insert program here] during the hell that was 2020? Forget rigging machines, Trump wouldn’t have stood a chance.

So he’s earned the right to be pissed, watching the uniparty rise before him which he’s fought his whole life. 

And he didn’t even get a cabinet role out of it.

The “national heroes” garden sounded like an elegant solution to the mess that was this past summer, where statues of prominent American heroes were torn down everywhere for no reason other than “peaceful protests”.
“George Washington was asking for it!”

“Disneyland, but statues” will probably end up being the most enduring legacy of the Trump administration since whatever pieces of The Wall will either have been removed or blown over by then, and I’m sure they’ll put a nice little plaque at the gate to thank him for it.
“Whoopee”

Some of the names being considered on this list are a bit much though. Hannah Arendt? WF Buckley? Whitney? Do we really need statues like participation trophies?

Look, if you’re gonna go through all that trouble, you have to pick an American icon that deserves a fucking statue, and that’s Anna Nicole Smith.

No one, and I mean no one, embodied the rise of America’s fortunes in the early 90s, the eventual crash in the late 90s, a brief return in the 00s, and then complete collapse better than Anna Nicole.
The GOAT

Like Anna Nicole, we’ll always remember America as glamorous, with huge cans, a reminder of our best years, seductive the world round.
retvrn to tradition

And, like Anna Nicole, America is deeply sick, falling apart, with little impulse control, collapsing from within, being endlessly exploited.

I’ve seen my share of these “Go Trump Family Members, Go!” trial balloons for some time now and I can’t think of a worse idea, especially this one which appears mumbled over the phone by someone named “Kared Jushner”.

Name recognition is a fine idea if your name isn’t centered around a single individual. Hell, the Kennedys have been making hay off that family name for six decades now.

But the idea that people should feel compelled to vote for the individual responsible for some of the worst policies in their father’s one-term administration isn’t just baffling, but an indication that no one in Trump’s orbit has learned their lesson from this go-around, and the only Trump kid who has a semblance of a shot at political office is probably Barron.
What do they feed that kid?!

On top of that, look at the calculation here – Rubio’s a huge pain in the ass but primary him over, oh, I don’t know, that goofus from Utah?
Look, if you’re gonna go for dynastic carpetbagger politics, at least go all out.

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