Brat summer, or the last gasp of the millennial gay, did untold cultural damage.
this man was in a presidential cabinet
All for an album of middling beats and one bop (Apple), filtered through a sieve from underground culture, SOPHIE, Kim Petras B-sides, and whatever else the trannies have been putting out the past 8 or so years.
rip queen
Of course it’s fitting that instead of true gender benders (Bowie, Grace Jones, Pete Burns) we have a poor imitation: a young(ish) British woman taking music for the GWORLS and making it safe for Brenda in HR to listen to in her Toyota RAV4 on her way to Planet Fitness.
“i like the ellipticals!”
By the same token, there were a wave of Christians in the 80s who renounced their gayness at about the same time churches took a more activist cultural view (the progenitors of those current-day pro-life losers who told you not to vote for Trump a couple months ago and are now cheering that he freed real pro-life activists in jail).
This, admittedly, is pretty hardcore.
Renouncing dick for life for God (you rarely hear about lesbians doing this, mainly a male masochistic impulse, more on that later) takes a lot of courage, especially in a culture that looks down upon Christians and incorrectly assumes they’re backwards hicks (as Prager said, you’ll find more wisdom in an AA meeting than you will in the average university classroom).
and we know miss thing with the crossed legs is ready to spill some tea
But applying the same principles of AA to sexuality is as harmful as it is misguided.
Pursuing a romantic relationship with the same sex is not the same as poisoning your liver in a quest to achieve Nirvana. Making anything god above God isn’t good for you, and some people are more naturally and biologically inclined to seek alcoholism, but the true AA burnouts know that their pursuit of alcohol causes the most damage outside themselves to those in their life.
There is nothing damaging to the people in your life about being in a relationship with someone of the same gender.
i’m with the dad, cut that hair and take out the earring
Some people may claim to be damaged, but as long as everyone is respectful (as parents or loved ones would be if you dated someone horrible, like a Democrat) that has no measurable impact on others lives unless they too make it about themselves.
On the other hand, alcoholism harms yourself and everyone else around you, making it an anti-social behavior.
honey, remember last night when you fell asleep on the couch again after two martinis and I had to clean up your piss…
The hardcore ex-gay movement of men then seeking full sexual relationships with women has mostly fallen out of fashion. Some will claim that’s due to legislation (enough kids having a 13th reason will do that I suppose) but most ex-gay leaders being flamboyant gays in the first place realizing that their pursuit of women is no longer interesting gave up on that quest and went back to gay.
me after you all spent a summer going crazy for that terrible album
Much as the hardcore underground electronica of Lulo warehouse parties was filtered down into “songs that play on KEarth 101 while your grandma is in the car” the ex-gay movement has been filtered down into a weak-tea, smiley face version: “I have same-sex attraction but I choose not to act on it”.
This defines homosexuality as the act, not the identity, a clever rejection of the 1000-year Pride Month mentality that plagues the culture making every waking minute an affirmation of being gay.
ffs leave the kids at home you boring white people trying to be interesting
The key is that being gay is no more interesting than being left-handed, but both sides want you to believe it’s all that matters, so Brenda in HR can slap on her fisting flag pin and feel like she’s doing something and busybody evangelists can feel like they saved someone from a 3-verse condemnation in between trips to Costco and gossiping endlessly about others in the congregation.
A newer book called “A Change of Affection” by Becket Cook is the vanguard of this, receiving a dust jacket recognition by one of the Baldwins (not that one, nor that other one).
how this email found me
Part/mostly recollective memoir, part Q&A, the book describes the author’s journey through the seedy, glamorous underworld of LA into being saved as a “man with same sex attraction who doesn’t act on it”.
(MWSSAWDAOI – we gotta workshop that acronym folks)
The problem is the description of LA is less Babylon and more boring. If you love reading about someone dropping more names than a Met Gala guest list, this book is for you.
He’s dined with Rachel Zoe (and ran away from the table because he had gay feelings).
He’s done set design in Paris, New York, and other world capitals. He didn’t sleep with any celebrities, but rest assured he probably would’ve included that.
“i sucked off Brad Pitt front to back!”
The true undercurrent is the description of his past relationships, and boy are there many.
There’s a photographer, a rockstar, a guy from college, this man got AROUND.
Nothing seedy though, don’t get excited, it doesn’t seem like Studio 54 style free for alls were on his menu.
wonder what happened to this young studio 54 waiter
In describing these relationships the author talks about a cycle – infatuation phase, getting into a routine, and then a year where eventually the relationship slowly declines then ends. No infidelity, no fireworks, no wanting to become a throuple – just attachment then breakup.
The author then claims he’s saved after meeting a handsome pastor in a Silver Lake coffee shop (surprisingly horny description of a pastor, but you do you). He attends Reality LA church where he has a realization – the true relationship he needs to have is with Jesus Christ.
Despite being a lifetime Christian I’m not a master of church doctrine, but you’re not supposed to take “Jesus is my boyfriend” literally.
no matter how many playlists he makes you!
At the very least it’s misplaced feelings, at the worst it’s lustful and idolatrous (which is why churches over the years have always been careful about women replacing their natural desire for male love with Christ outside of vows of chastity).
Of course Jesus is a great boyfriend – always there, never lets you down, can talk to him at any time, and he can have the six pack you’ve always wanted a partner to have.
chat is this real
He’s also an extension of God, a force that isn’t equal to you by Design. You were created as were other humans to pair bond, to love each other, to forgive each other, to match your faults with someone else’s and stand back to back against the world and all the difficulties therein.
This misplacement of affection could be dismissed as narcissism. “Jesus is MY boyfriend, and he could be YOURS if you weren’t such a PLEBE”.
But it replaces sexuality with something far more insidious – a validation of avoidant attachment behavior.
Men who aren’t comfortable as men decide to become women. Men who aren’t comfortable as gay men decide to become SSA.
The conversion movement and the trans movement are the same – ignoring biological reality in favor of wishes.
Both are categories of men who, through autogynephilia, sublimate their sexual desires outside of a relationship with one other person as a way to avoid getting close to someone else.
They want their cake, and they’ll eat it too.
“jeff bezos has gone too far!”
In “becoming a woman” or “becoming not gay”, there’s a self-castration that happens to avoid the painful part of relationships – a partner not meeting your expectations, imperfection, changes in life goals, all things that lead followers to Christ and acceptance of our flaws as humans, not down a flume ride of cutting off our God-given masculinity in an attempt to assert control.
Avoidant attachments follow the pattern of this man – who deserves empathy not scorn. They idealize someone, there’s a honeymoon phase, the other person hits a level of intimacy where the avoidant becomes scared, the avoidant withdraws, the relationship suffers, and then ends.
Every one of this man’s dozen relationships followed the same cycle, and instead of trying to understand why a child of 8 from a wealthy family with a strict but absent father and a doting but narcissistic mother would react that way in getting close to another person he’s one-shotted by the idea that he’s a broken person because of who he loves, not who he is in love.
There’s an uncomfortable moment where the author claims being molested could have affected his sexuality, but claims he had gay feelings both before and after. The author does not acknowledge (and proudly claims he stormed out of therapy) that maybe that would affect how to express his sexuality in an intimate setting as it would if he was straight or a woman or anyone else.
Similarly, autogynephiles have tragic moments in their backstory when an adult took advantage, and their choice of gender is a reflection of protection that it won’t happen again.
A young person who comes out as trans seems like a case for therapy, faith, introspection, and help instead of irreparable harm to the family and also themselves usually in irreversible surgery before they’re even old enough to pursue romantic relationships.
The evangelism of the trans movement is head and shoulders above the evangelical movement in public force but both are full of broken people seeking validity. “I’m not as damaged as you think!” they cry, and all feel like they’ve found a secret third way of placing themselves in the world around them.
Well meaning parents on both sides panic when a child tells them they’re of the other gender or a child tells them that they’re gay because they know that in our dominant culture until 20 minutes ago those choices brought extraordinary risks of disease, addiction, prostitution, and ultimately ending one’s life just as it had begun.
Any parent wants to protect their child, and the pendulum has swung from stamping out any dissent to radical affirmation.
pride goeth…
Both options are equally harmful, but we don’t have a culture of grownups able to see that anymore. Baby boomers in their selfishness still think you’re letting your freak flag fly at Woodstock. Gen-X were the rebels of the rebels, and the more tattoos and piercings the better because we’re not like The Man either! (which is why there will likely never be a Gen X President).
our future king
Millennials and zoomers are left feeling the crushing weight of two generations of narcissists who never faced a challenge outside of themselves – a great World War, rationing, or any external struggle nor a culture that wasn’t in full embrace of them in a futile quest to be “cool”.
The damage is palpable as millennials have the potential to, despite derision from older folks, be responsible.
“We just want a house!”
“We just want a job!”
“We just want the freedoms you got!”
Zoomers are cooked by the small and big screens around them and the few survivors of 24/7 blue light exposure find themselves in a trooned-out wasteland where romantic advances are rape and rape is okay if it’s committed by a marginalized community.
All in all there are no adults in the room anymore.
It’s no wonder people of all ages are stuck in a search for meaning and endless experimentation.
“Maybe if I try not acting on being gay anymore, I’ll be happy”
“Maybe if I try lobbing my tits off, I’ll feel loved”
“Maybe if I try Cava, I’ll finally quit Chipotle”
Churches and therapy culture feed off this, and instead of approaching the broken with compassionate guidance in a quest to heal the person, they face people with affirmations that they’re wonderful and everyone else is wrong. Pick your belief and a way you want to see yourself, and there’s a dealer who can give you that high, at least for a little while.
I wondered why this book had such an emotional register with me – because 10 years ago, I felt similarly lost. Why would I make a choice against my faith? Why would I be gay and disappoint my parents? Why couldn’t I just be the perfect child I always was and wanted to be?
I spiraled.
I drank.
I alienated people around me – especially guys I felt close to (actually texting one I’m not gay anymore and that what we had didn’t mean anything, haven’t spoken with him since).
I tried dating girls – and luckily they were cool with it. Ultimately I realized there was no way I could make them happy because I could never be fully present in those relationships, and just being there to paper over each other’s damage in a desire to not feel alone only goes so far
Eventually, I had to get out of my own head. My narcissistic fixation of how I was seen by others was not the way to become a man. I broke down. I got into relationships. I learned how to love while on the job of being with someone else.
There is nothing more vulnerable than being with another person.
and just look at the neck pain
It exposes all your flaws and insecurities. Everything you’ve thought about yourself, everything you think others think about you – they’re all on the table. You can be hurt, you can be rejected, you can feel like you’re banging around a washing machine spin cycle like a cat.
You also feel closer to the divine.
You learn how to put someone’s needs above your own.
How to forgive.
Service. A sense of duty.
A desire to be and do better, not because it’s what you want, but because it’s what others deserve.
For the truly courageous, a relationship can be the best thing to happen to you.
And God hates a coward.
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