For much of the past two years, I’ve felt like I needed to catch up to life.
Events just keep cascading and everything was a state of emergency. You could get a phone call that could change everything.
And it did change everything. It changed me. I’ve become angrier and more pessimistic. More bitter, hardened. Anxious. Unfocused, exhausted.
But the past few months have seen some changes. After hitting a wall enough times, I basically had to isolate myself and, for once, just stop everything.
I told myself for years this wasn’t possible, I couldn’t just *stop* everything, life’s a runaway train, how could I?
But I realized that once I stopped, everything else stopped. I stopped receiving the emails I dreaded, asking me to do meaningless things. I stopped having to force myself into unreasonable schedules that would burn my candle at both ends. I stopped feeling like I was just a marionette being swung through life.
In this process, I’ve regained my intuition which was drowned out by a thousand voices. What I want is no longer impossible dreams, but tangible steps. To-do lists are not to be feared, but they help remind and I’m able to attend to them as needed. I’m actually able to *do* more – all because I stopped.
Importantly, I feel feelings again. I’m looking forward to the future. And instead of feeling like I’m catching up to life, life can catch up to me.
