^even the world’s most beautiful woman can’t escape weave damage I don’t like getting haircuts because I don’t like having to wait a week for it to look its best and then watch it slowly decline til it resembles the yard of a Hoarder castmember. It’s a universal part of the first-world human condition to…

Is this what Rick Ross had in mind? Or this? Rap is hard.

There’s something gorgeous about a woman who hunts. It makes lots of beta males absolutely uncomfortable that a chick has subversively inverted their roles, despite the fact that the closest most betas come to a gun is in Call of Duty. So when a picture of an easy-on-the-eyes young woman surfaced on the intertubes a…

There’s something gorgeous about a woman who hunts. It makes lots of beta males absolutely uncomfortable that a chick has subversively inverted their roles, despite the fact that the closest most betas come to a gun is in Call of Duty. So when a picture of an easy-on-the-eyes young woman surfaced on the intertubes a…

Pretty sure I’m the bastard love child of Sheila and Debbie…

Somehow, my favorite foods are consistently associated with sickness. Ginger ale…the airplane staple? Probably one of my favorite drinks, and one used to quell the wretches. Saltine crackers…the soup consigliore? The perfect snack, and also a staple for stomach flu sufferers. Chicken noodle soup…the broth of barons? A sublime soup, and also used for every…

Somehow, my favorite foods are consistently associated with sickness. Ginger ale…the airplane staple? Probably one of my favorite drinks, and one used to quell the wretches. Saltine crackers…the soup consigliore? The perfect snack, and also a staple for stomach flu sufferers. Chicken noodle soup…the broth of barons? A sublime soup, and also used for every…

I like the Tea Party. *ducks tomatoes* By the way, who decided that throwing tomatoes was okay?  I would’ve brought the damn coconuts. Why is liking the Tea Party so taboo these days?  If I walked in the middle of Santa Monica and Robertson and shouted “I LIKE AIDS*” I’d probably get a less hateful…

I don’t know who these weirdos are who hijacked something called “a healthy diet” and called it Paleo. It’s like a bunch of cult members whose founder got arrested for fondling underage brides needed to find a new hobby. This is and always has been my diet: 1) Avoid lots of processed foods. 2) Eat…

In between all this crap in October: the government shutdown, debt ceiling, Miley Cyrus’s barenaked ass, Kris Jenner separating from a Madame Tussaud’s figure, Ted Cruz, Kim Kardashian’s barenaked ass, Gravity, and my barenaked ass (month’s not over!) it seems like people have forgotten about Obamacare. It’s the Tara Reid of legislation: rammed through hard,…