Now that the government is shut down and you’re all still alive, isn’t it a strange feeling about just how much of the government is non-essential?  (P.S.–you’re paying for all of it too!) It makes you wonder: where the hell has the money been going all this time? A viral (hate that word) video circulating…

There really is no more awesome feeling than finding cash in your pocket. It’s like a little gift to yourself, that crumpled little wad of singles you probably swiped from the stripper’s g-string when she was getting motorboated by Fat Frank. In fact, the only feeling that’s more awesome is finding money on the ground.…

Jesus commanded people to give to the poor. From what little of the Bible I remember, I think a widow with last-season’s Céline bag (TWO strikes) gave him her last cent, and he later told the story. finally: a purse with a facial expression that reflects its pouting bitch owner I also give to the…

Jesus commanded people to give to the poor. From what little of the Bible I remember, I think a widow with last-season’s Céline bag (TWO strikes) gave him her last cent, and he later told the story. finally: a purse with a facial expression that reflects its pouting bitch owner I also give to the…

Do you guys remember that meme that circulated around the 2008 election? If you get an email that says ‘Nude Photos of Sarah Palin’, don’t open it because it could be a virus. If you get an email that says ‘Nude Photos of Hillary Clinton’, don’t open it. It could actually be nude photos of…

Craig Mazin has probably the worst self-created resume of any man who isn’t Charles Manson: screenwriter of Scary Movie 3 and 4 and Hangover III. He was also Senator Ted Cruz’s freshman year roommate at Princeton. lookin sharp, kid He had some not-so-nice shit to shovel about Sen. Cruz as a college kid earlier this…

The makeup industry exists for a reason—to make women both look and feel prettier. Let’s face it—have you ever seen a woman in the morning with no makeup? It’s like looking directly into the Predator’s bunghole. (pictured: the “Part of Me” Katy Perry will never ever let you take away from her) Here’s a tip…

I’m getting a little nostalgic for the days when everyone hated Bush. I don’t mean merely disliked. I mean hated. Like when the Chicks with Dicks or whatever they’re called slammed him on a London stage. (Courage!) The running argument was always that Bush was an idiot. Also that he was a powerhungry mastermind. Well,…

If you went to someone in 1992 and told them that the daughter of the Achy Breaky Heart singer would cause more controversy than a war or a government shutdown, you would’ve been burned as a heretic, and rightfully so. But lo, it was a simpler time, and we should’ve known that any man who…

*scroll down for hot updates.  I would put them here but if you didn’t read the story yet then it’s a spoiler alert.  P.S. Walter White dies* You know what you don’t hear anymore? “Write your Congressman!” It was always about oil drilling or war bonds or some similarly meaningless issue. Apparently the Capitol consisted of a…