IKEA has recalled all of their meatballs “in 21 European countries to avoid upsetting customers”. Why? Because “a batch of frozen meatballs tested horse-positive by Czech authorities.” So is there any health concern with these meatballs? No. Mad cow? Of course not. They just might, might, have horse meat in them, which is perfectly safe…

IKEA has recalled all of their meatballs “in 21 European countries to avoid upsetting customers”. Why? Because “a batch of frozen meatballs tested horse-positive by Czech authorities.” So is there any health concern with these meatballs? No. Mad cow? Of course not. They just might, might, have horse meat in them, which is perfectly safe…

People say I’m a terrible parker. I blame a variety of factors: visibility, high curbs, wind chill, locusts, machete-wielding metermaids, there’s a smudge on the backup camera… Yes, the car has a backup camera. I don’t really know how to park one without it. It’s brilliant and probably one of my favorite pieces of technology,…

Perhaps this country’s most difficult job is to be ex-President. All of the decisions you made during a short course of time get to be judged and re-judged on a national scale, and you have zero power to influence them. You know that there’s a polite role that must be played as an ex-President: you…

The problem with Spain is, well, Spanish people. They’re warm, generous, creative, and wild. They’re also terrible at managing their economy. One of the signs of a failing and greedy society is how much they pursue simple actions of revenue, like giving out and collecting speeding and traffic tickets. In California, specifically LA, I’ve watched…

The problem with Spain is, well, Spanish people. They’re warm, generous, creative, and wild. They’re also terrible at managing their economy. One of the signs of a failing and greedy society is how much they pursue simple actions of revenue, like giving out and collecting speeding and traffic tickets. In California, specifically LA, I’ve watched…

*ABC Malfunction*, an orange message flashed on the dashboard screen. How the fuck can the alphabet malfunction in my car? Did a muppet hack into its systems when I was parked at that shady 7-11? I ignored it and continued about my day, feeling no effects. Then a few days later it happened again. And…

Let’s face it folks: Britain has shitty food, notably with no fruit or wine. Their women are not exactly renowned for their beauty, either. Fruits they get from Southern Europe, the US, and Africa. Wine comes from a four-century-old agreement with Portugal. Women are probably imported there under more sinister circumstances. Yet, somehow, they managed…

R: I couldn’t find my phone. It ended up being under the bed. W: How did it get under there? Did you throw it under there? R: I don’t know… W: I was talking to you before you hung up. How could it have possibly gotten under the bed? R: All I know is I…

8:30 AM. It’s a Saturday morning. I’m awake. And goddamn it, I’m going to go to yoga. Surprisingly, finding free yoga in Santa Monica isn’t an easy task. Of course there’s “donation-based” yoga places, meaning I slip in the back, bend around a little, and slip out like a movie theatre fart. Unfortunately, for some…