Folks, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I suck at naps.
They always seem so enticing in the moment: just 10 minutes down, right? And I’ll be refreshed, recharged, and we can totally ignore the 8 cups of coffee this morning.
It never happens that way.
You awaken, three hours later, like you got into a fight with a wolverine: disheveled, sore, exhausted, confused.
But folks, I found the secret to the PERFECT nap:
Don’t take one on a day when you didn’t wake up on your own that morning.
But what does that mean? If the alarm got me up, then I can’t take a nap?
That’s correct! And I’m sure in 20 years, sleep science will be so advanced that we’ll find out that alarms were slowly killing us all along, and being jolted awake in the morning is tantamount to a heartattack a day.
On a morning when you wake up naturally, you’ll enter and exit a nap naturally. I tested this theory today, and goddammit it works.
The other thing to keep in mind: if you’re going to take a nap, it needs to be unstructured. A 10 minute nap where an alarm blares in your ear to awaken just repeats the cycle of abuse.
So try it out! If I was smarter, I’d market this as some kind of MLM wellness fad, but why bilk you for the consequences of my crazy ramblings?
