I like the Tea Party.
*ducks tomatoes*
By the way, who decided that throwing tomatoes was okay? I would’ve brought the damn coconuts.
Why is liking the Tea Party so taboo these days? If I walked in the middle of Santa Monica and Robertson and shouted “I LIKE AIDS*” I’d probably get a less hateful and angry-glitter-filled (there’s two types of glitter, celebratory and angry–the angry kind is just crushed up Appletini glasses) response.
*I really don’t like AIDS. Vote Wyatt 202_!
I went to the first West Coast Tea Party Rally in February 2009 on the Santa Monica Pier—right after the Wall Street bailouts, Obama’s inauguration, and a bruising election which deeply cut the country along economic, racial, and social lines like a sushi chef with Huntington’s.
Allow me to dispel some myths about the good Tea Party people:
1. It’s just a bunch of Republicans!
False. Nobody hates the Tea Party more than Republicans do. Example: “[h]opefully we’ll go into eight to 10 races and beat the snot out of them”. That came from former Rep. LaTourette of Ohio, a stalwart Republican (with the best last name ever). Large money Republican donors are sharpening their knives to do away with the Tea Party and anyone who claims to be a part of it. The movement has no political affiliation and is comprised of Democrats, Republicans, Independents, and unaffiliateds. Which takes me to number two:
2. It’s an actual political party!
False. It’s not a third party and it’s not some Ross Perot bullshit. The “Tea” part stands for Taxed Enough Already: T.E.A. (derp) The “Party” reference hails back to the Boston Tea Party of the American Revolution where colonists fought against high and indiscriminate taxation by the British Crown who needed to fund their thousands of wars against France (a good cause actually) and spandex tights budget (bad cause).
3. They call themselves “teabaggers”!
False. In case you didn’t know what teabagging is, it’s dragging your balls across someone’s mouth. (X-rated alert! Oh shit…too late).
The term “teabagging” was first used derogatorily by k.d. lang Rachel Maddow on MSNBC April 9, 2009, and Tea Partiers were similarly referred to as “teabaggers” by David Shuster on MSNBC April 13 2009. It was later used by Anderson Cooper who, when called out, claimed it was a “stupid, silly, one-line aside”, although we found out recently that he likely knows what it means.
4. They think Obama wasn’t born in America!
False. The whole “Obama was not born in America” meme was started by bitter Hillary Clinton supporters, who were flummoxed at her continued losses to this upstart young Senator from Illinois. These people are called “Birthers” because they claim a variety of conspiracy theories around Obama’s birth certificate (which absolutely checked out according to recent Governor of Hawaii, Linda Lingle, who is not an Obama supporter by any means and spoke at the Republican National Convention.) In fact, the idea of even questioning Obama’s background began in 2007, early in the election, by Clinton’s chief strategist, Mark Penn:
“All of these articles about his boyhood in Indonesia and his life in Hawaii are geared toward showing his background is diverse, multicultural and putting it in a new light. Save it for 2050. It also exposes a very strong weakness for him—his roots to basic American values and culture are at best limited. I cannot imagine America electing a president during a time of war who is not at his center fundamentally American in his thinking and his values. Every speech should contain the line that you were born in the middle of America to the middle class in the middle of the last century. And talk about the basic bargain as about [sic] the deeply American values you grew up with, learned as a child, and that drive you today. Let’s explicitly own ‘American’ in our programs, the speeches and the values. He doesn’t … Let’s add flag symbols to the backgrounds [of campaign events].”
In case that horrifies you (as it should), remember–that’s how political operatives and especially the Clintons talk and think of you, idiot voter.
5. They’re just a bunch of crazy Christians!
False. The movement is purely economic, based on the idea that we are taxed too much by a government that spends too much. In fact, in the speech that essentially started the Tea Party, CNBC contributor Rick Santelli called out those who got high-risk mortgages that they knew they’d foreclose on—which the taxpayer was now paying for.
6. They’re represented by FreedomWorks/Tea Party Express/Glenn Beck/etc!
False. Various people over the years have been trying to capitalize on this movement, co-opt them, and then impose their values. Dick Armey (teehee) of FreedomWorks is one of the most egregious examples of this. Don’t be fooled! If any organization claims to be “Tea Party” and then asks for donations, they’re full of shit. Consequently, any candidate who lists their affiliation as “Tea Party” deserves zero of your dollars (multiple impostors have been caught trying to do this, like Jon Ashjian in Nevada who was specifically entered into the race to split Armenian Republican Danny Tarkanian’s vote. I sincerely hope there was an “Armenian Republican” standoff where garlic and Drakkar Noir were exchanged.)
7. They’re sexist/racist/homophobic!
False. Tea Party supporters are concered chiefly about high taxes—which affect all genders, families, and races equally—and gays even more so!
So why aren’t you a Tea Partier yet?
Despite the brisk February air, the sun was shining on that unique day on the Pier where I was welcomed by and introduced to a variety of diverse speakers who stood up and explained the costs of high taxes for our state and country, the drunken spending ways of Washington and Sacramento, and the fact that the new administration just doesn’t comprehend this fact—running on a high-tax, high-spend platform.
Four and a half years of President Obama and congressional toadies later, we’ve seen the effects of “hope” and “change”. Crony capitalism has been exposed, showing companies donating millions to politicians and the government in exchange for favorable policies (lest we forget, Wall Street donated more to Obama than any other candidate in history).
Many tax breaks, like that for payroll taxes, have been eliminated by Obama—automatically raising taxes on a large percentage of already-struggling American families. Our government has more than doubled its debt. Spending continues at reckless and dangerous levels, with stories dropping on the daily about hundreds of millions lost in failed solar investments, Mexican prostitution studies, cupcake shops, and a healthcare disaster that ironically (in the Alanis Morissette way–not ironic, just depressing) has caused many more to lose health insurance than get it.
you’re doin great, champ. want a $200,000 cupcake?
These facts should divide us as a people against our arrogant, out-of-control government.
Instead we’re divided more than ever–our government, pro-government media, and businesses supported by the government want it that way. It’s not some vast conspiracy, it’s a clear crisis. Movements like Occupy consist of smelly douchebag losers who blithely dabble in anarchism and want to see the system fail to keep them from having to pay back their student loans. They’re part of the problem—and nobody fears them. Guess what, misfits? You’re not counterculture–you’re supporting the goals of The Man!
but I’d like to Occupy her Wall Street tho
Our government, as they’re supposed to, fears a peaceful uprising of the average American: economically-damaged for generations by record spending, debt, taxation, bailouts, and simple irresponsibility. It’s a dereliction of the responsibility we entrust our elected officials with. These aren’t the people we wanted to elect—yet they’re the ones in office.
That’s what the Tea Party is about. It’s an American movement that has been hijacked, denigrated, and bastardized along the way by opportunists looking to ride a wave and fools who thing the government is doing fine ‘n’ dandy.
But the notion of an American government of the people, by the people, and for the people remains vibrant and eternal. We should never let the worst parts of our nature—irresponsibility, paranoia, and falsehood—overwhelm the best parts of our nature—accountability, brotherhood, and the relentless pursuit of truth.