One of the things in life I’ve never understood (or, at least, never done a good job of trying to) is the concept of living in the present.
It seems so alien – it’s easy to be running from the past and anxiously trying to scrape together some sort of future that the present is an obstacle.
Notice the framing there: running from the past, scraping together the future. The past is something to be escaped, the future is something to fear, and the present is an ever-changing miserable membrane between the two.
None of this sounds like much of a solution for happiness, but that’s like third on my to-do list today after those calls and emails I’ve been putting off.
GOTTA GO JANICE I NEED TO BE DISSOCIATING BY 3PM
One of the keys I’ve learned in dealing with the past and anxiety about the future is a commonality – fear. Fear of being swallowed up by losses and failures, fear of what shoe is going to drop next. It’s a cycle of pre-rehearsed anxiety and a recipe for disaster – pattern recognition working overtime.
TODAY WAS AS UNPRODUCTIVE AS YESTERDAY, AND PROBABLY TOMORROW!
Once you come to terms with the past, and tamp down the anxiety over the future, what’s left?
The dreaded…“living in the present”.
For many of us, the present is an entirely unfamiliar experience.
For example, it’s now 5:31PM on a lovely day in March. It’s sunny outside, and there’s a slight breeze. I did everything I need to do today, I’m not particularly hungry or tired, and the calls I needed to do went well.
an eternal mood
A normal person would probably do something they like now – maybe read, go for a walk, hell, even clean.
But suppose you’ve done all those – now what?
Congratulations!
You’re in the present, and the possibilities in front of you are endless.
Literally endless. Everything from you could start engineering a zeppelin that runs on battery power to sending a text to someone you hate. Endless!
“hey fucker!!!”
Endless possibilities can make the present absolutely terrifying, because there’s a million ways to fuck it up.
For example, you could get into amateur surgery, and then end up getting to take a fun ride in the woo woo mobile to the boo boo building.
The whole idea of endless possibilities is there’s also endless ways to win.
You could send a text to someone you really like that makes their day.
“hey fucker!!!”
You could drink some water, which will help you be less dehydrated, you flaky skinned sonofabitch.
You could start working on plans to do something you really want to do!
Or you could write this, because it was better than taking yet another nap today.
“DISSOCIATING? I WOULD TOO IF I LOOKED LIKE YOU, LINDA!!!”