^^this guy. You see, we have something in LA called a “traffic problem”. Well, it’s more like a 24-hour-per-day-vehicular-clusterfuck. In fact, it’s gotten so bad that traffic at 10PM is as bad as 6PM because they decided that at 9PM they’d just, you know, alternate shutdowns of major on and off ramps.  For shits’n’giggles. You know…

Every news organization is collectively masturbating over a “blood red” moon tonight during the lunar eclipse (one of FOUR over the next 1.5 years), which if you’ve read the Bible, (and I’ve read MINE *points to Gwyneth Paltrow’s cookbook*) then you know it means something bad, like locusts are going to come and bring doom…

Every news organization is collectively masturbating over a “blood red” moon tonight during the lunar eclipse (one of FOUR over the next 1.5 years), which if you’ve read the Bible, (and I’ve read MINE *points to Gwyneth Paltrow’s cookbook*) then you know it means something bad, like locusts are going to come and bring doom…

I never understood “coffee”. I was a kid and would drink it at holidays when everyone else had some and it never quite had an effect on me. I liked tea, but I was never one of those people who would be found clutching a Starbucks cup like it was a lifeline. Until my dad…

I never understood “coffee”. I was a kid and would drink it at holidays when everyone else had some and it never quite had an effect on me. I liked tea, but I was never one of those people who would be found clutching a Starbucks cup like it was a lifeline. Until my dad…

In LA, there are three Sunday pastimes: hiking Runyon (for the ambitious) drunch (drunk brunch, for the lazy) and going to the Farmer’s Market. The last option on the list has replaced going to church for most people, because what would you rather do on a day of rest: be talked to by the man, or…

Yes, my sausage sandwich fell on the floor. Yes, I’m going to pick it up and eat it even though it was open-faced. Look, floors ain’t clean, folks. But they’re probably cleaner than my hands. And I doubt every corner of this Starbucks is teeming with malaria or something (then again, it’s not exactly the…

This morning I was violently shaken awake by the Encino (NOT WESTWOOD) earthquake, which felt quite similar to Kathy Bates grabbing me by the shoulders and knocking me around for 20 seconds (not as titillating as you’d expect). Earthquakes are like rollercoasters–the person who’s telling you how “cool!” it is just shit their drawers.  Earthquakes…

From the man who wrote the award-winning post “I Built This“… Dear Hillary: I enjoyed building my own Resolute desk a little while back. And although it’s not hand-carved from wood from that mighty ship, I am about 78% sure it’s not particleboard. Take THAT, IKEA. I know you hope to sit behind the Resolute…

From the man who wrote the award-winning post “I Built This“… Dear Hillary: I enjoyed building my own Resolute desk a little while back. And although it’s not hand-carved from wood from that mighty ship, I am about 78% sure it’s not particleboard. Take THAT, IKEA. I know you hope to sit behind the Resolute…